Monday, Mar. 15, 2004/11:23 AM

Duk's Arse

Hoover Dam - ownership soon

The Hoover Dam initiative was really getting on William's nerves. For most people, living with a tempramental, foul-mouthed mallard would have been too much. William deserved a medal. He not only shared his small New York apartment with said Duk, he also accomodated the 5 stunt doubles.

Everything had been fine until Teznzco started a loyalty program. Since Duk discovered the Hoover Dam was up for grabs, he was on a mission.

As you walk into William's new apartment there is a strange background hum. Most people think it is the air conditioning - odd since it's minus fucking freezing out side. It's worse in the bathroom - possibly a loose pipe or an air bubble? It keeps the neighbours up and has made William deeply unpopular in the building.

"Can we just stop this?" asked William, not for the first time.

"Teddy No Teddy Teddy" said Duk striking three more small black lines on the impossibly large piece of paper laying across the floor. The paper was the sort of graph paper that you used school for impossibly difficult graphing tests. The difference between the paper at school and this paper was that almost every box had a little black line drawn diagnally across it.

"No fucking Teddy fucking Teddy fucking way". I'm Teddy almost Teddy fucking Teddy there. Teddy. Teddy". Seven more strikes were quickly marked on the enormous sheet.

William walked into the bathroom, opened the linen cupboard and pulled out a duvet that had been stuffed hard in there. As he did so the air-condioning noise grew suddenly louder.

"Teddy Teddy Teddy TeddyTeddy Teddy Teddy TeddyTeddy Teddy Teddy Teddy"

There in the cupboard were the 5 stunt ducks sitting in a circle staring at a picture of the hoover dam.

"Teddy Teddy Teddy TeddyTeddy Teddy Teddy TeddyTeddy Teddy Teddy Teddy"

"Does this really have to go on until August???" William shoved the duvet back in the cupboard and stormed out of the bathroom.